Do I need a triathlon coach?

Or, better question: Do I want to part with $200 a month?

Think of the Oreos I could be buying with this money.

I have two big events coming up that I've never done before.  A full marathon in January 2014 (WDW) and a half Ironman in June 2014 (Ironman Raleigh 70.3).  I am unsure how best to train for these and am wondering if a coach could help me get more prepared. 

Of course, when I think about Coach, I think about this:

Although, really, I'm more of a Dooney & Bourke girl.

Or maybe even this:

UNC.  UGH.

But I think it's probably more like this:

First rule: No falling off the bike. Why did you do that?  It was dumb.

Second rule: Look better in a bathing suit.  Honestly, yuck.  People can't unsee your cellulite.

Third rule: Run/Walk/Run doesn't mean Walk/Saunter/Lollygag.  Get faster!

My concern is that I was not as prepared for my Olympic Tri as I had wanted to be. 
I can trace that to:
1) inconsistent training (would coaching help me be more accountable?);
2) not enough training (but I can start early enough without a coach now); and
3) being fat and lazy (chances of that changing are slim.  SLIM, get it?  HARHAR I kill me!).

My scale just has a recorded laugh track.

I also want to lose some weight before these races.  I know I am not knowledgeable enough to figure that out because the last 5 weeks of training for the Oly, I lost 0.00 lbs when working out 2+ hours 6 days a week.  And I wasn't over-eating.  If anything, I think I wasn't eating enough.  At least the people on My Fitness Pal seemed to think so.  What is the answer for losing weight while training?  Simple calorie deficit does not work for my body.  Would a coach help with this nutrition/weight loss bit?


I can definitely find a marathon training schedule online - in fact, Jeff Galloway has one specifically for the WDW Full.  I can add some swimming and biking in as cross-training until after the marathon.  Then from January - June I can concentrate on the half Ironman.  Maybe at that point, I will consider a coach.  I want to be really prepared for this half Ironman.  I simply can not go into it as unprepared as I was for my recent Oly.

So, does anyone reading have any feedback on coaching vs. being on my own?  I'd love to hear!