I used to be Fat. Like capital F Fat. I was almost 300lbs. I look back and still can't believe I was ever that big. I had gastric bypass surgery in March of 2003. I lost 135 lbs and got down to 140. I was a flabby size 6. It was at the point where people were telling me not to lose anymore weight. I can't imagine weighing 125, but that has always been that magic number. The weight at which I tell myself I will no longer be fat.
I never got to 125. I maintained my weight at 140/145 for a few years but was diagnosed as bipolar in March 2006. They put me on Lithium, which made me eat like a crazy person (LOL - I was a crazy person!). I gained 25 lbs in a month and then refused to take meds anymore. They tried a few different things until they found the one that has kept me fairly sane for 4 years now without piling on the pounds. However, during the years following my diagnosis, I put on about 10 lbs a year. I got back up to 210 lbs before deciding enough was enough and joined Weight Watchers. I lost 30 lbs before plateauing and quitting because the only thing I was losing the last 6 months was $45/month. I signed up with My Fitness Pal and have been tracking calories and exercise. I have lost an additional 15 lbs. pretty slowly over the last 6 months.
Why am I telling you all of this, you ask? Today I had a terrible workout and I feel blah and fat. It's easy to see why people get discouraged and quit training if they don't have a goal. Thank goodness I have a goal!! I know I can't quit and have to go back tomorrow and try, try again regardless of how much of a lump I feel like today. I also feel a little better writing it all out because I guess I didn't realize until now that I have lost 15 lbs since quitting WW and that IS moving in the right direction.
It doesn't seem to matter how much I work out - it seems to matter what I eat if I want to lose. In fact, I lose better (MORE) if I'm not working out. After the Princess Half, I stopped running and lost consistently until I started my training up again. It's so hard to find the right balance of calories in and calories out. It should be straight forward to work at a deficit, but for me it doesn't work that easily. Maybe because of the bypass surgery and my body being used to less calories? I don't know... All I do know is that losing weight is hard and I keep wondering at what point I will feel "thin".
And, blah blah, I know I should worry about being HEALTHY and not THIN, but I'm not that evolved. I want to look good. (and be healthy, yeah yeah, of course).
Back to my workout. I swam for 30 minutes yesterday, then did 25 miles on the stationary bike, then ran .5 miles to shake my legs out. I felt great! But today, I was tired and couldn't make my legs move. I did do 10.5 miles on the bike and walked for 3 miles, but I did both much more slowly that usual. I don't want to burn myself out, so I am going to revise my training plan to not bike three days in a row. I was doing that schedule because I was trying to shoe horn in biking to an existing marathon training program, but I think I will put the marathon training aside until after my Olympic Triathlon next month. The marathon (in January) and the half Ironman (next June) will be my next two goals.
Like I said - thank goodness for goals. They keep me focused and moving forward!