Thursday, August 29, 2013

Blah day - blah workout

I used to be Fat.  Like capital F Fat.  I was almost 300lbs.  I look back and still can't believe I was ever that big.  I had gastric bypass surgery in March of 2003.  I lost 135 lbs and got down to 140.  I was a flabby size 6.  It was at the point where people were telling me not to lose anymore weight.  I can't imagine weighing 125, but that has always been that magic number.  The weight at which I tell myself I will no longer be fat.

I never got to 125.  I maintained my weight at 140/145 for a few years but was diagnosed as bipolar in March 2006.  They put me on Lithium, which made me eat like a crazy person (LOL - I was a crazy person!).  I gained 25 lbs in a month and then refused to take meds anymore.  They tried a few different things until they found the one that has kept me fairly sane for 4 years now without piling on the pounds.  However, during the years following my diagnosis, I put on about 10 lbs a year.  I got back up to 210 lbs before deciding enough was enough and joined Weight Watchers.  I lost 30 lbs before plateauing and quitting because the only thing I was losing the last 6 months was $45/month.  I signed up with My Fitness Pal and have been tracking calories and exercise.  I have lost an additional 15 lbs. pretty slowly over the last 6 months.

Why am I telling you all of this, you ask?  Today I had a terrible workout and I feel blah and fat.  It's easy to see why people get discouraged and quit training if they don't have a goal. Thank goodness I have a goal!!  I know I can't quit and have to go back tomorrow and try, try again regardless of how much of a lump I feel like today.  I also feel a little better writing it all out because I guess I didn't realize until now that I have lost 15 lbs since quitting WW and that IS moving in the right direction.

It doesn't seem to matter how much I work out - it seems to matter what I eat if I want to lose.  In fact, I lose better (MORE) if I'm not working out.  After the Princess Half, I stopped running and lost consistently until I started my training up again.  It's so hard to find the right balance of calories in and calories out.  It should be straight forward to work at a deficit, but for me it doesn't work that easily.  Maybe because of the bypass surgery and my body being used to less calories?  I don't know...  All I do know is that losing weight is hard and I keep wondering at what point I will feel "thin".

And, blah blah, I know I should worry about being HEALTHY and not THIN, but I'm not that evolved.  I want to look good.  (and be healthy, yeah yeah, of course).

Back to my workout.  I swam for 30 minutes yesterday, then did 25 miles on the stationary bike, then ran .5 miles to shake my legs out.  I felt great!  But today, I was tired and couldn't make my legs move.  I did do 10.5 miles on the bike and walked for 3 miles, but I did both much more slowly that usual.  I don't want to burn myself out, so I am going to revise my training plan to not bike three days in a row.  I was doing that schedule because I was trying to shoe horn in biking to an existing marathon training program, but I think I will put the marathon training aside until after my Olympic Triathlon next month.  The marathon (in January) and the half Ironman (next June) will be my next two goals.

Like I said - thank goodness for goals.  They keep me focused and moving forward!

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