5 ways that April is going to turn my life around (or else)

Ok, I know it's still March and all, but the hours left in this month are pretty much spoken for.  I leave March 24-31 for World Balloon Convention and that will be a non-stop week of work and more work.  I scoped out the fitness facilities at the hotel and they do have a nice set up, but it's undetermined whether I will have the time or energy to partake.  So, I am setting my sights on April. I have big plans for April and it better deliver.


1) It's my birthday!
I know most people consider January 1st to be the new year, but those people are wrong.  It's April 13th that starts the new year.  It's the glorious day of my birth and I'm still a little annoyed that it's not a national holiday.  I am entering my 44th year and have a lot to accomplish.  This new year is a great time to start what I knew I couldn't in January because of the schedule.  And in February because of.... well, because I'm a lazy hog.  And in March because I JUST TOLD YOU I WAS BUSY!  Jeeze.  So, April it is. 

2) I have a triathlon this month!

In one of my more delusional moments, I signed up for an Olympic Triathlon on April 26th. (Are you shaking your head at me in disbelief?  If not, I strongly suggest you start immediately.)  This event had two of my favorite reasons to sign up for a race:  It was close and it was cheap!  Pretty much the opposite of my beloved Disney races.  Side note: This is called the Beaver Dam Triathlon. I get myself a "Pandora-like" charm for all my races as a wearable reminder of my badassery.  Please take my advice here and don't Google "beaver charm" with safe search off like I did.

3) I have to make a decision about that Half Ironman by 4/17!

I actually have longer if I want to give up the measly $75 they allow for refunds if I wait longer than April 17th, but $75 will buy me a new Sparkle Skirt so it's nothing to sneeze at!!  I have no idea what decision I will make, but I'm sure it will be the right one for me.  If I try and DNF, at least I will have tried. If I decide not to attempt it, there is always next year when I will be able to plan for it better.  I'm already ok with either outcome, but I would like to give it all I've got to make it to the start line.  How I train the beginning of April will tip the scales on this decision!

 4) I get a Buddy this month!

I am short on friends and inspiration to run, so I found a group that will help me with both.  It's called I Run For and it pairs runners with kids (normally kids, but sometimes adults) that can't run due to physical challenges.  I signed up early this year and it has taken about 9 weeks so far with about 3 more weeks to go before my name comes up on the waiting list.  I am excited and I hope I am assigned a buddy in time for my April 26th tri.  It should be about that time.  I'm sure I'll do a blog post about my buddy when I get one, so stay tuned.  I love this idea and I am hoping that the inspiration my buddy provides will push me along when I am running low on motivation.  In turn, I hope to add a smile to my buddy and his/her family's lives as well.


5) I just really have to get some control over my life!

And April seems as good a time as any.  I have made improvements since January so it's not like I'm a total loss.  There's just not been much effort in the "health" arena and that has GOT to change.  So, I am leaving tomorrow for WBC, and I'll be gone for a week totally immersed in balloons.  I plan on leaving all my bad and lazy habits in Denver where the stoners can make better use of them.

(PS - despite the way the post title sounds, this is *not* about blogger extraordinaire April from Run The Great Wide Somewhere but she is awesome and you should check out her blog!)

Let's play, "Will It Still Fit?"

This is the story of my size 10 teachin' pants.  Are you intrigued?  No, not really?  Well, read on, my friends, because it's a tale of terror and elation, with more than its fair share of binge eating!!

So, I teach balloon decor (as well as having a balloon decor business).  Most days, I hang out at home in yoga pants or jeans.  When I go out, it's normally in jeans as well.  But lately, it's been the year of yoga pants.  Stretchy ones.  When I have put on jeans, they immediately get unzipped when I get home and they stay up that way until I change back into my delightful yoga pants.  Lately my jeans have seemed extra constricting since I have been inhaling food like someone training for an ultramarathon.  Except the only thing I am training for is not splitting the seams on my yoga pants during the Dr. Phil marathon on the OWN network. Grim.

I travel to teach and I have nice black and khaki pants in a respectable size 10 that I wear with my logo teachin' polos.  I haven't worn these magical pants since January and they might have been a tad tight then.  But, that didn't deter me from eating a whole bag of iced molasses cookies this week.  Or Ben & Jerry's last week.  Or anything sweet coming near my mouth for the entire year of 2014.  I have been pigging out.  I think I'll blame it on stress.  That sounds reasonable and much less hoggy than proclaiming, "ME LIKEY SUGAR!" like the yoga-pants-wearing land beast I have become lately.

Next week, I travel to the World Balloon Convention where I will be teaching, thus needing my good teachin' pants.  But size 10?  Did I outgrow them?  Do I need to run to Kohl's and avert my eyes as I save 20% off on size 12 teachin' pants?  I avoided trying them on for days and days - not wanting to face that blubbery muffin top or the puffy under-belly-button area that screams, "YES!  I've birthed two ten pound children!"

But, what is this?  The size 10 teachin' pants fit?  I was so happy that I wrote this haiku:


You barely zip up
My size ten black teachin' pants
I'm not too fat yet!

Do you have a pair of pants that are the barometer of your tipping point in weight?

And I thought January was crazy...

Between chemistry and WBC, I am beyond busy and stressed.  I can see an end date, but it's not for another two weeks.  I am mad with myself for not finding the time to work out, but I don't especially need another layer of guilt and pressure smothering the life out of me right now.  Are these excuses?  It feels like it, but I honestly feel like every moment is spoken for until after WBC.

To distract you from judging me, here are some pics of the last World Balloon Convention so you can see how big of a deal it is:

This is 100% made from balloons and was 15 ft wide.

Circus walk through arches.

Can you see the person off to the left?  That should give you some idea of scale.

Yep, balloons.

I can't wait for WBC, but I also can't wait for it to be over so I can make training a priority.  UGH, I just feel like such a slug right now.

Come view my seizure-inducing grammar rant!

I'm enjoying the Princess Half recaps filtering in (list posted here), but if there's one thing I could share with people who want to blog about ANYTHING, it would be this:

How do people make it out of high school without knowing this?  I think this is honestly one of my biggest pet peeves in life.  (Which means my life is pretty damn good so I should probably just let it go...). 

All my grammar flouncing is basically a filler post since I have been swamped and not riding the bike.  I also didn't get in a long run (supposed to be 6 miles) this weekend.  I'm going to try to get that done today.  Part of my issue is that World Balloon Convention is in two weeks and I have SO MUCH to do to get ready!  Add that to Chemistry and trying to get ready for my midterm test before I go and UGH.  Life is just getting in the way and I am not making extra time to do extra things.

What do you do when life gets in the way?  Does the then/than issue make you want to get stabby?!?

The weather is trying to sabotage me!

FACT: Mother Nature wants me to be fat and lazy.

I was all prepared to ride the momentum of my one consistent week of working out, and darned if it didn't sleet up my streets and cancel school Monday and Tuesday.  The gym was closed so I couldn't go swim and the kids were all up in my biz, so I didn't run.  I'm so upset!  Mostly in myself for not locking the kids in a closet with their iPads and throwing in some Oreos to keep them busy while I eeked out an hour to get a small run in.

So, I have to restart my enthusiasm for squishing my lard into a swim suit and try again tomorrow.

Hopefully, winter is over.  I need to run and ride outside!  Especially because today I registered for two races!  Coming up first is an Olympic Triathlon at the end of April.  Second, and more exciting, is the Wine & Dine Half Marathon at Walt Disney World in early November.  This means I am all set to get my Coast to Coast medal!  WooHoo!!

Are you SICK OF WINTER??  Or are you hard core and run in the cold??

I was consistent for ONE WEEK! (That's a bigger deal than it seems, people!)

I was supposed to do 5 miles yesterday for my "long run" as I start over with this serious and consistent training plan.  I didn't.  Instead, I got up at 6:30am, ate a bunch of leftover sushi from the fridge, and went back to bed until 10am.  After that, we had a bar mitzvah to decorate and that took most of the remainder of the day.  By the time we got home at 7pm, I was toast and kicking myself for being such a lazy whore earlier in the morning.

Today, I once again got up early, ate something, and went back to bed. ::frownie face:: In my defense, the kids are at my ex's this weekend and I just don't get the opportunity to got back to bed, like... EVER.  We had an Oscars event this afternoon but I had time most of the day to run.  And just didn't. 

But, this story has a happy ending!  As I sat on the couch at 5pm, eating saltines and feeling pretty annoyed with myself, I actually got up and went toward the treadmill.  And I got on it and did intervals for 2.5 miles and then walked faster than my run for negative splits on the other 2.5 miles.

So HOORAY!  I am SO not good at motivating myself, but I can now say I am one week into a serious training program.  Tomorrow, I add swimming!  (Hopefully)

My treadmill lies to me.

I've mentioned before that my treadmill is a dirty liar.  For example, yesterday I burned over 400 calories in 3.1 miles with a pace of 15:38 and a heart rate of 44 bpm ACCORDING TO THAT LYING POS.  I know the pace reads slower than both the treadmills at the gym and my outside pace.  Plus, when I'm doing my home treadmill runs at the same pace as my walking (elsewhere) pace, you know something is hinky.  Last Monday, I ran at the gym and was happy with my pace.  It's slow, but I'm really working on being consistent with my run/walk intervals so I'm not stressing about being "fast" at the moment.  BUT!  My home treadmill has me a whole minute per mile OR MORE slower and I know I am not going slower. 

Since it still works, I hate to get a new one when really - these are just numbers.  As long as the numbers improve, it's still improvement.  It IS psychologically frustrating to see these numbers reflect such slowness.  However, I am fully embracing the "Go Slow To Go Fast" school of thought. 
I am pushing myself, but I am not killing myself.  I also decided to crank up the incline a bit since hills flat out kill me every.single.time. and I need some uphill practice.

I'm starting the 12 week HIM plan on Monday.  Commitment to this plan will determine whether or not I cancel my HIM in June.  Even commitment might not save me if I can't get to a place where I can finish in 8.5 hours.  I need to get better (and faster) in all three disciplines.

I'd ask for you to wish me luck, but what I need is determination and commitment.  So can you please wish me some of that instead?