If you thought you smelled tires burning, that was just me over here doing some deep thinking. I've been reflecting on my Wine & Dine experience (the good and the bad) and contemplating the WDW Full which is 53 days from today. After much internal debate, I've decided to defer my registration for the full to 2015. I honestly can't get full marathon ready from where I am in 53 days and I do not want my first full marathon to be that stressful. This decision hurts. I feel like I am giving up instead of making a well-reasoned decision. I think I probably *could* do it, if a gun were held to my head... but do I want my first full marathon to be that dire? I still aspire to be a middle-of-the-pack, smiling runner and this would NOT be that experience at all.
This is how the last few days have gone:
The race isn't really in less than 2 months! I have PLENTY of time! I can ramp up to 26.2 miles before then! I can lose 20lbs and be faster by the first of the year! Disney is magic, so this will be so easy! 26 miles, 26 schmiles. It's not THAT far.
Why didn't I train better for this? Why did I take so much time off after the triathlon? Why am I so lazy? Why did I eat pumpkin pie for breakfast 5 days in a row? Why am I sitting on the couch in my fat pants writing this blog while shoving Milano Candy Cane Cookies into my craw instead of doing ANYTHING more useful?
Dear God, if I promise to run 8 miles every week day and 20 miles every Saturday and Sunday, and stop being jealous I don't have blogging running friends like the DisBroads, and stop eating pie for breakfast, and be nicer to my mother when she asks about my love life, and help little old ladies with their bags of groceries at the Piggly Wiggly, and donate my old running shoes to African villages, can I please, please, PLEASE be ready for a full marathon in 53 days? I will totally start all that right after my nap! I swear! AMEN.
I suck. I might as well give up running all together. And forget the Half Ironman in June. I might as well eat pie every day through the holidays and ask for drawstring sweatpants for Christmas since nothing else will fit by then. What's the point of showering if I'm not working out? I might as well take that nap and rest up for another afternoon of broken dreams.
So, yeah. I'm still a little bummed, but I do feel like it's the right decision. Since I made this decision today instead of two days ago, I missed the cut off for it to cost $35 to defer and it's now bumped up to $70. Still worth it. It hurts a bit to give it up, but if I listed all the things I have to do between now and the end of January (including a trip to Japan - WOWSERS!), I think you wouldn't be so disappointed in me. I hope. Can we talk through this over some pie?
I had plans to start up with training on Monday and that day I woke up with a two-day migraine. I wonder if the pressure of the training schedule was causing it. Today I feel better and I think I will look at lightening my training schedule to be therapeutic exercise while I make it through this craziness. I just know I need to refocus, and hopefully taking this looming threat (which is NOT how a Disney race should feel, ever!) away will help me relax and enjoy the journey.