UGH - Reality Check Pants

Ok, it's been a rough couple of weeks.  A root canal, a DNS, and basically not doing anything to train has been a big challenge.  As I mentioned in my "boo-hoo, I'm bipolar" post, I did get a change to my medication and I do believe it is improving my attitude.  So, that's great!  But now I need to look at what I've done to myself during my last few months of backslide.

Reality Check #1 is that I have got a 10k that is my time qualifier for the upcoming Disney races (Dumbo Double Dare and possibly Wine & Dine) that is in two weeks.  I am not TOO stressed, but I don't want to struggle.  My goal is just to finish with a good enough time to keep me out of the last Disney corral.

Reality Check #2 (and the biggie) is a hard pill to swallow... It's a pair of capri shorts that fit just great about 2 months ago and now I can't zip up without major effort.  NOT COOL.  I don't feel like I have been totally pigging out, but stress and depression eating happens, and must have in these dark times.

SO!  What to do now?  I'm about 20 lbs from my lowest Weight Watchers weight of about 4 months ago, so that 20 lbs needs to go before I tackle the rest.  It will get me back into my capris and down to a size where I feel good (not great, but good - and hey, good is GOOD).  I'm just going to go back to tracking calories and daily work outs and see if that naturally takes care of the problem.  If not, I'll have to reevaluate in a few weeks.

That's the plan!  Anyone have any advice for getting faster in two weeks?

Facing Challenges and Finding Inspiration

Pack a lunch, it's going to be a doozy today.

I can't recall if I've discussed this before, but I suffer from Bipolar Disorder.  I say suffer because it is just that: suffering - a horrible affliction at its worse and a maddening gift at its best.  Lately, it's been at its worst and I have been terribly depressed for the last few months.  The very thing that would lead me to feel a bit better (training) is also one of my favorite ways to further mentally berate myself (because I have continually failed to commit to a consistent training program this year).  I am SO adept at functioning under depression that people are shocked (SHOCKED!) that I have any problems at all which basically means I kick ass at being completely fake.  Not something one is to be proud of.

Why am I telling you this?  Well, for a few reasons.  I keep having great plans to train and I'm not following through.  I guess I need you to understand that it's more than just laziness that is thwarting me.  Secondly, I am having some pretty rock-bottom moments right about now that I won't go into but suffice it to say, I am struggling to make it through the day while doing so in a way to not alarm my children so they don't worry.  (That sounds pretty grim, but I am taking steps to improve, involving doctor's visits, so no need for you to worry either).

Thirdly, I was recently assigned a buddy through whoirunfor.com and he's a 14 year old boy with Down's Syndrome named Garin.  I am getting to know him and his family and will share more as there is more to report.  This organization assigns special needs kids with runners in hopes they can build a relationship where the runner dedicates their training and races to the child as a source of inspiration to the child.  As I reflect on Garin's challenges and how I can inspire him, I also am thinking about my challenges and how his spirit can inspire me.  I feel like I am the lucky one in this match and I really look forward to dedicating some efforts to Garin if I can't pull out any efforts to do it for myself.

Thanks for reading and thanks for the comments left either now or in the past.  It helps to know someone out there is engaged enough to follow my journey - no matter how many detours I take!